When Grandma Goes To Court
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they
aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his
first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He
approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'
She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've
known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you
manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You
think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize
you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.
Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed
across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense
attorney?'
She again replied, ' Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since
he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking
problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and
his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to
mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One
of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a
very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows
me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'
